Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I Want a Grandpa, Instead of a Preacher

Today I went to lunch with my cousin Brook and my Uncle Sandy (well technically he isn't really my uncle anymore, since Brook's parents got divorced years ago. ) Getting divorced/re-married in my family just means we gain new family members...does that sound weird? Yeah, probably.  What I mean is I love Uncle Sandy's new family just as much as my real family. 

After we got back from lunch my Papa stopped by to visit.  He comes by almost every day.  He used to be a preacher and God is pretty much all that matters to him. I don't feel like I have a Grandpa, I have my own personal preacher. (My other Grandpa died before I was born.) So I don't know what it's like to have a "regular" Grandpa. All mine wants to do is sit around and talk about God all day...and no, I'm not exaggerating.    Anytime he comes over he preaches to me saying things like "One day you're gonna get out of that wheelchair, I've been praying for you." 

 or "You need to start believing that you're healed so that you can find a boyfriend/husband; cause nobody is gonna want to marry or deal with taking care of someone in a wheelchair."

It really hurts my feeling when he says things like that to me, I know he means well and he is not trying to hurt me, but he does and he brings those things up practically every time he sees me. 

The truth is being in a wheelchair doesn't bother me; I've walked before, back when I was in school and went to physical therapy, I could only walk when using a walker though.  I didn't like walking to be honest, it's too hard.  I mean it's probably not hard for a person who is able to walk on their own, I don't know...but I would much rather sit in a chair than walk. 

I've told Papa tons of times that walking is not important to me and that I don't want to...he just doesn't seem to get it.  There have been a lot of times recently where I have started to believe what he says about the boyfriend/husband thing is true.  I'm 22 years old and I've never dated anyone...It makes me worried that I'm gonna be an old crazy cat lady.  I don't want to spend my life alone.  Plus I can't keep a cat alive for more than six months.

This pretty much a downer post, sorry.  Don't get me wrong I love my Papa and God.  It's just I want Papa to accept me the way I am and stop being my preacher instead of my Grandpa.

Some photos I took today:

Not my favorite self portrait, but I kinda like it.

I couldn't decide which shot of my Converse I liked better, so I uploaded both.


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