I have been wanting to write about this for a long time but I haven’t, partly because I didn’t know what/how to “say” it, and partly because I didn’t want to possibly cause more drama, but I think if I write about it, it will help me get over it and I will finally be able to move on.
March 10th 2010 I woke up to find my DM box (Direct Message on Twitter, a message that can only be seen by the sender and the receiver of the message) full of messages from Jeremy Henshaw (bass player for SafetySuit...but you probably all know that by now if you have been reading my blog for awhile.) At first I was kind of excited to see his face in my DM box, but as I started reading the messages (there were five, because of the 140 character limit on Twitter) I became horrified. In the messages were things like “I am shocked and disappointed because I know you are all (he sent it to a few of my friends as well) better people than that…and I hope to be proven right.”
A few months before this, stuff was said on Twitter that shouldn’t have been said and apparently someone had been watching our Twitter accounts and had been sending things that were said to Jeremy. Whoever told him all of this stuff took it completely out of context and twisted the words around, and they clearly didn’t tell him the part where I told the other people that were involved in this that they shouldn’t talk about those type of things, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have received the messages from him.
Up until this happened Jeremy had always been nice to me and replied to every tweet I ever sent him. Once he even had a Twitter Party (where you ask a “famous” person who has a Twitter account questions and they answer them) because I asked him to, during which he answered every one of my questions, during Twitter Parties a lot of people have questions that don’t get answered because the “famous” person gets tweeted so many questions at one time that it is hard for them to keep up.
March 11th 2010 I sent Jeremy a message on Myspace to apologize (even though I never did anything.) He didn’t respond for an entire week. During that week while I was waiting for a reply I basically went crazy. I wouldn’t listen to SafetySuit, I couldn’t eat, sleep or think straight. Finally he wrote me back and said he accepted the apology and that we never have to talk about this again.
After I read his reply, I instantly felt better because I thought things were going to go back to normal...I was wrong. Apparently when he said “we never have to talk about this again” he meant we never have to talk about this again, because I am never going to talk to you again. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about what happened. Some days I can blow it off like it’s no big deal that one of the people I love so much and would never intentionally hurt in any way hates me for something I never even did or said.
Other days it is all I can think about and I cry over every little thing, for instance, once during one of his Twitter Parties I asked him what his favorite cereal was and he said Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. I have always liked any kind of Captain Crunch, peanut butter is also my favorite though, I hadn’t had any in a while so I decided to have a bowl the other day and while I was eating it I actually started crying.
All this drama has really messed me up mentally; think about how you would feel if one of your favorite artist, celebrities, or whoever told you they were “disappointed in you and they know you are a better person than that” when you weren’t even the one who did anything wrong. He won’t tweet me anymore, he completely ignores me and the other girls that were involved in this. How can he sit there and say everything is okay and he accepts our apology if he doesn’t mean it? If he meant it he would forgive us and acknowledge our existence.
SafetySuit hasn’t been to Arkansas since the time I saw them on November 11th 2009. I keep saying I want them to come back, but when I sit back and think about it, I’m not sure if I could handle seeing Jeremy in person after what happened, cause I think it would be really awkward. At the same time I don’t think I could handle SafetySuit being in Arkansas and me missing it, just because some stupid idiot on Twitter can’t keep their mouth shut and mind their own damn business.
PS: The title of this post kind of came from "Stay" by SafetySuit, it seems appropriate for this situation, sometimes it makes me sad to listen to it now.